Have you had the experience of reading a book and,
while there was nothing specific you could put your
finger on, the writing came across as clumsy and
immature? Most likely that writer had violated the
Resist the Urge to Explain rule. What do I mean? Read
the following examples and note the words and phrases in
parentheses:
Jaw tight, Amanda set her mug down with such force
coffee
splashed out on the freshly-cleaned
counter. "I can’t believe your nerve," (she said
angrily).
Marilyn sat at the bus stop, her shoulders sagging,
and watched with disinterest people enjoying the spring
day. When was the last time it had mattered to her that
the sun was shining? (She felt so depressed.)
Susan had never laughed so hard in her life. (Jerry’s
remark had been hysterically funny.)
What all these phrases have in common is that they
are explaining things the reader should have been able
to glean from context. The writer should have resisted
the urge to explain. When you explain emotions to the
reader, you are guilty of two sins—lazy writing and
condescension. You are saying to the reader you don’t
think they are bright enough to get the point without
having you tell them outright. In the first example
Amanda’s actions and words say it all (I hope). If they
don’t, the answer is to rewrite the scene, not tell
the reader what I’m trying to convey—that Amanda is
angry.
This is the problem with most –ly adverbs—they’re
meant to explain emotions. They’re telling words.
Eliminate them and write scenes that show. Let your
characters’ body language and choice of words convey the
emotions. I want the reader to think, "Wow, Amanda’s
really angry," because of what I’ve shown about Amanda,
not what I’ve said she’s feeling.
Another way writers explain too much is when they
insist upon elaborating on characters’ motivations. If
you do a good job creating your characters, the reader
will be able to extrapolate their motivations. Say
you’ve created Jason, a character for whom personal
integrity is paramount:
Jason rifled through his wallet looking for the dry
cleaning ticket. He frowned at the ten dollar bill
there, wondering how he had become ten dollars richer
than he should have been. The cashier at the deli where
he had just had lunch must have made a mistake in his
change. Jason had been talking on his cell and hadn’t
paid any attention to the bills she handed him. He had
just stuffed them into his wallet. The poor girl would
come up short at the end of the day. It wouldn’t be
honest to keep the money. He checked his watch and
retraced his steps quickly.
Telling the reader that Jason doesn’t think it would
be honest to keep the money is unnecessary explaining
and patronizes the reader. That whole sentence should
go.
Here’s a shorter example:
At the sight of the masked men surging into the bank
Rita opened her mouth to scream. One of the men hauled
Jeremy away from her and pressed the muzzle of a gun to
the boy’s temple. "One sound and I blow his brains out."
Rita closed her mouth instantly to protect Jeremy.
The whole phrase "to protect Jeremy" can be
eliminated. The reader will understand. Don’t insult
them by explaining.
I first came across Resist the Urge to Explain in
Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, an invaluable
little book by Renni Brown and Dave King, professional
editors. They said they saw this problem so often they
abbreviated it RUE in manuscript margins. The problem is
not unique to romance manuscripts, but I see it
frequently in the unpublished manuscripts I’m asked to
critique and in contest entries I judge. If you’ve found
RUE on your manuscripts, chances are good I judged it.
If you handle this weakness, your writing will tighten
up immediately and flow with a professional rhythm.
Readers are much smarter than a lot of writers give
them credit for. Trust them to grasp the meaning behind
your brilliant prose and get on with the story. Don’t
bog it down with a lot of redundancies. Resist the urge
to explain.
*
* * * *
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